You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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