Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
