u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
