Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
