She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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