toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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