meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
