tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
