can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
