I wanna bring you to show and tell
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
