They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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