lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize