we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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