your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
