Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
