We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize