THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She bit a glass in half.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
