walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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