are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
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dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge