I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit