I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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