Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
