; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
being pregnant is like rehab
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
