I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
