last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
