walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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