Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
