a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
