there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
