oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
