ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
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And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
my poor anus
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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