You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
