I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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