Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
