I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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