hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
