Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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