her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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