Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
