jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
