I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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