would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
