well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
