maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
