so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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