At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
