the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
