i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
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Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
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A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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