Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
