You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
