Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Randomize
