I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
