So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
