Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
