pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
