Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
