i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
