I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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