she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
accomplished twins. life is a go
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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