Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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