i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize