when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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