Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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