She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I want to fling myself into the sun
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
