i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".