My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
