Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
